Daily Log – WHAT. A. WEEK. Part 2

Maybe my week doesn’t sound too eventful if you’re basing it simply on my first post – but with the amount of things that have happened in the past 3 days, they truly deserved their own post – that or my previously post would have read like a novel XP

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Sunday

What a damn day, let me tell you… Before things truly started to take a turn for the worst, Kurt and I got ourselves up early so that we could go and see that apartment – this wasn’t overly eventful, so I’ll simply tell you that it’s a 1 bedroom place, with plenty of space and natural light. And this place is super affordable! Long story short we loved it and made sure to grab a couple of applications before we left the building.

So things truly started while I was at work, about 2 hours through a 5 hour shift. I was lucky enough to only be working from 12-5 that day. I had just finished dealing with a disgruntled customer, with my shift leader Summer assisting me. As you might guess, those kinds of interactions are extremely nerve-wracking for me, and I’m able to deal with them in the moment well enough, but after the customer left I was a little shaken up. Because of this, I dropped some changed that I’d been trying to hand to a customer. I bent over to pick it up, and when I stood back up, BAM! I ended up hitting the back of my head on the drawer of my till.

Full disclosure: I am a complete klutz, and this is something that has happened to me a couple of times before. However, this time was different – I hit my head hard. Really, really hard. I immediately cried out in pain, tears sprung to my eyes almost instantly, and the dizziness that hit me in that moment was unbelievable. It took me a moment before I could even speak, and the pain didn’t subside, it only got worse. I somehow managed to finish assisting the two customers in my line, even though I couldn’t hold back my tears and my voice was cracking as I was speaking to them. Once they had been helped, I signed off my till and went into the office to sit down and try to compose myself.

The pain was so bad, and it was like it was reverberating in my skull. I felt incredibly unsteady, and also incredibly nauseous and dizzy. As I mentioned before, I’m a total klutz, and I get hurt enough to know when something is really wrong. After I managed to sit for a while, I still tried to get back to work after the fact, but it hurt even to blink. I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to stay at work much longer, so I told my shift leader that I thought I needed to go home.

She told me to cash off, and I went through the motions of all of the necessary steps each employee takes when they’re finishing a shift. When all of that was done, and I was sitting alone in the office with the shift leader after having finished counting my till, I said to her, “I feel like such a shit, I’m really sorry for having to leave early.” Was this apology necessary? Probably not, but I’m an apologetic person by nature.

What happened next was actually worse than hitting my head; if she’d just said not to worry about it and told me to feel better soon, everything would have been fine, but instead she said something to be that was completely unprofessional, and a downright inappropriate way to speak to a fellow coworker, especially given that she was in a leadership position:

“I don’t know what to say, I mean… You hit your head, you sit and rest for a few minutes… I don’t understand how people live without earning money…”

I was in shock. I couldn’t believe she was actually saying this to me. A side effect of my anxiety is that I’m always picturing the worst-case scenario in my head when there’s something I’m worried about doing, but even with the way I commonly catastrophize everyday events, there was no way I was expecting her to speak that way to me. I pretty much burst into tears after hearing that and rushed to get my stuff and get out of the building as soon as possible. I didn’t even wait outside for Kurt to come pick me up after I called him, I just kept on walking, making my way towards his place. This was not a smart thing for me to have done, I could have easily lost my balance and fallen into the street or something, but I was so upset that I wasn’t thinking clearly.

Once I met up with Kurt and he took me back to his place I spent a great deal of time crying, which only made the pain in my head even worse. I was so upset, not because of how I’d injured myself but strictly because of how I was spoken to at work, and how it had come without any kind of warning. I eventually even texted my manager to make him aware of the situation, and told him that I would be writing a letter of complaint regarding the way I was treated. I was messaging my mother as well, to tell her what happened both with hurting myself and with my coworker. It was reassuring to hear from her that it wasn’t just me that was interpreting my coworker’s words as offensive and unprofessional, because she reached the same conclusion.

After that happened, my mother insisted that I go get myself checked out at the hospital. I told her about everything I had felt after hitting my head, and she was worried I may have suffered a mild concussion. Kurt was able to take me to the hospital in the next town over, and though I told him that he didn’t need to wait there with me, he stuck by my side the entire time. The waiting time wasn’t all that bad, and the doctor that saw me was able to immediately confirm that I had suffered from a concussion, and I even earned a pretty sizeable hematoma on the back of my head. To my relief, he cleared me from work for the next couple of days, and insisted I get an appointment with my family doctor for a follow-up. After that Kurt drove me back to his place. I ended up napping on the couch for about 3 hours. I was still feeling a little nauseated and very unsteady, but overall I was okay now that all of the excitement from the day was completely over.

Monday

More or less uneventful, especially considering everything that had happened the previous day. Because I hurt myself at work, I was entitled to workers compensation, and so Kurt was sweet enough to drop off the necessary paperwork to my store before taking me home and then driving himself to work. My head still hurt, but it wasn’t to the degree it had been on Sunday. I spent most of the day just relaxing in my grandpa’s recliner. I made an appointment with a doctor for the next day, and nothing too much else happened, which was probably for the best.

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Tuesday

More pain, more drama, more anxiety and more angst… Yesterday, aka Tuesday, I had my doctor’s appointment. My regular family doctor was booked solid, but luckily I was able to be seen by my doctor’s father, who is actually the doctor that my mother and grandmother regularly see. The only time I could get an appointment was later in the afternoon, after 3 o’clock. Before going to the doctor’s office, first I had to drop off the application I’d filled out for the apartment – Kurt and I will be hearing tomorrow about whether or not we got the apartment. We heard through the grapevine that the building manager really liked us, and I have a good feeling about this one – keep your fingers crossed for us, okay? 🙂

The next stop was to drop by work; I needed to pick up some WSIB paperwork for the doctor to fill out in order for me to receive workers comp. I was hoping that my manager would be there, so I could give him the letter I’d written regarding how my coworker had spoken to me, but he wasn’t around at the time. I actually had to speak to Summer in order to get the paperwork, so I decided to hold onto the letter until I would see my manager next. After leaving the store, I sent him a text, just to give him an update:

“Just picked up the paperwork from the store, thank you for leaving it for me 🙂 I’ll bring the letter to you in person. Just heading out to see my family doctor now.”

I didn’t get a response until my mother and I had almost reached the doctor’s office. And the text itself was confusing at first, until it dawned on me, moments before my mother read the text and confirmed my suspicions; he hadn’t intended to send the text to me, and it had probably been intended for my coworker that had been unkind towards me:

“I am sure that’s why she came when she knows I am on lunch.”

The message makes no sense otherwise, right? Let me tell you, after getting that message, I was pissed off. I had been dealing with a major amount of anxiety regarding my coworker already, but now here was evidence that my manager and my coworker were both against me for some unknown reason. I remember thinking at the time, “How the hell am I supposed to know when his lunch break is?! How could I possibly know that?! And why in the world are these two being so mean to me? I have never said an unkind thing to either one of them, I don’t deserve to be treated this way!”

I’m sure that makes me sound like a child throwing a temper tantrum about the world being unfair, but at least I wasn’t actually whining or saying any of this out loud while I was waiting in the doctor’s office XP While I was talking to my mother in the car after my appointment was all done, she informed me that this was simply the way the work world is. It makes me incredibly happy that I’ve found away to escape from the work world for now, because if this sort of thing is the norm, than it is truly a toxic place to be.

For those who are wondering how the actual appointment went, it was perfectly fine. The doctor took a look at the nasty bruise on the back of my head, and I had to get my blood pressure checked 3 effing times. Apparently my blood pressure was a little high, but I attribute that to just how angry and anxious I was feeling regarding all of this stupid work drama. I talked to the doctor about how I was feeling, and he decided that I shouldn’t return to work for at least another week, given how my head is still hurting me and I’m still experiencing dizziness and I’m having trouble keeping my balance, even when I’m simply walking. It is definitely getting better, but I think we both knew that I wasn’t going to be doing that great of a job if I was forced to return to work.

My next appointment is on the 28th, which is actually the day before my last day of work. Long story short, it doesn’t look like I’ll ever have to set foot in that store ever again. I don’t want to call getting hit in the head a blessing in disguise because it’s really not; head injuries can be very tricky and there’s no real way of telling just how long it will take until I’m 100% back to feeling like myself again. I suppose if I was going to whack myself in the head at some point in my life, maybe the timing of said injury was slightly fortuitous, but truthfully I’d be much happier if my brain hadn’t experienced a major rattling inside of my skull.

After everything that’s happened, I’m incredibly glad that I’ll never have to speak to those people ever again. Yesterday I had ever intention on filing the complaint on my coworker, and writing up a new one on my manager, and sending them to my company’s HR department. But today, reflecting on that, I’m not entirely sure that I still want to do all of that. I won’t have to speak to either of them ever again if everything works out, so I’m wondering if maybe I should just leave well enough alone.

And I’m pretty sure that’s everything that has gone on this past week. Lots to process, right? I’m lucky that I’ll be seeing my counsellor tomorrow, and she’ll surely be able to help me work through some of these things. But I’m also grateful for any of you who have chosen to read about all of these things that have been going on in my life lately, because getting to write all of this down has been its own form of therapy 🙂

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