So….. Plenty of shit has gone down lately. Sure, plenty has happened since I last updated you guys on how I’ve been doing, but the past 7 days in particular have contained a high concentration of insanity and trying times. Now that I’m more or less on the outside of all of the events that have led up to the calm after the storm, I’m feeling both surprised that I managed to survive the past 7 days without losing my mind and proud of myself for the growth and clear thinking I’ve displayed throughout these recent events.
One big thing that has changed in the past couple months is that I have begun to see a counsellor every week, and she has been helping me work through a lot of the difficulties that come with the many mental disorders I have had to struggle through the majority of my life. I can’t emphasise enough how important it is to not only find a mental health professional when you feel ready and willing to work through the inner workings of your mind, but also how important it is to find a counsellor/psychologist that you mesh with and that you feel comfortable talking to. I actually look forward to these appointments each week, unlike when I’ve seen other professionals while I was in university.
Because this past week has been very eventful, I thought that it would be helpful if before my next appointment tomorrow that I work on writing down everything that has been going on the past 7 days, so that I can make sure to give her all of the important details without just rambling in a stream-of-consciousness style with the risk of skipping over important facts. And what better place to write all of this down than my blog that I have dedicated to working through the many swirling thoughts in my own brain? So let’s start with day 1:
Wednesday – 15/11/17
My first day back to work. Was I nervous? Obviously. Was I terrified? To an extent, yes, but by this point I had pretty much accepted the fact that I would need to return to work, even for a short time. One thing that I haven’t had a chance to share with all of you yet is that I had made a decision at this point that the main reason I was reluctant to return to work was not because I was downright afraid of returning, but because at the root of everything, I just hated my job. I didn’t enjoy it anymore. Sure, the pay is awesome, given that it’s a government job, and I possess a certain amount of skill in this field given that I’ve worked in retail for over 8 years, but I knew that I just hated this job so much, and that I needed to take the leap and work towards doing something else to earn an income, something that I actually enjoyed and that wasn’t nearly as soul crushing.
How did my first shift go? It actually went pretty well. I had to work a 7 hour shift, which I’ve always struggled with, especially when I’m assigned to work multiple 7 hour shifts in a row, one day after another, but I simply smiled and focused on putting maximum effort into each of my tasks (I’m sure Deadpool would be proud XD). The night before, I had hand-written a resignation letter, and after discussing it with my counsellor I’d decided that the best time to hand it to my manager was at the beginning of my first break, so that I wouldn’t need to immediately deal with any sort of awkward conversation that might cause me to panic. I was able to do it, and when I was back from my break my manager told me he had accepted my letter, and he did ask me if I was 100% sure about my decision. He was perfectly kind and cordial, which I greatly appreciated, and I made sure to thank him in person for everything he’s done for me.
I was all done with my shift at 5:30 in the afternoon, which is a great time to be done work. Finishing up any time before closing time is pretty ideal. When I was finished I was extremely proud of myself for having made it through the day without any incidents. It didn’t take me long after returning home to realize that I was going to be very sore the next day, because I’ve been out of shape these past two months.
Holy crap was I sooooooore XP Another 7 hour shift, this time working until closing time. I more or less cried out in pain (as quietly as possible) every single time I had to crouch down to put away stock or to face up the shelves, but I made it through my entire shift. As soon as I got home, I took a bath and soaked my muscles, using epsom salts, and I am so glad that I did because I’m sure the pain would have been so much worse the next day if I had just gone straight to bed instead.
Still sore, but definitely manageable. Kurt surprised me the night before, asking me if I’d like for him to pick me up at noon so that we could go and grab breakfast at the Donut Diner before my shift. It’s been quite some time since we’d been out on a date, and even longer since we’d grabbed food at the Donut Diner, and I was incredibly excited when I went to bed, knowing that I had so much to look forward to the next day.
Breakfast was great, getting to spend time with Kurt was even better ❤ Probably the most eventful part of that morning was when my mom texted me, telling me that she’d heard from my aunt Tami that one of her co-workers was subletting his apartment in town. Kurt and I jumped at the opportunity, calling the building manager and arranging an appointment to go see the apartment the following Sunday at 11AM, when Kurt would be off work and when I wouldn’t be due at work until noon.
After breakfast came my shift. Was stuck working until closing again, and I accidentally ended up staying up to late that night, which left me feeling pretty dang tired the next day.
My 4th 7 hour shift in a row – but I survived! I think what got me through this shift was knowing that at 5:30, when work was done, that Kurt would be picking me up and we’d get to spend some time together ❤ Come Saturday, the majority of the soreness had faded, thank goodness, though my feet were still hurting something awful. Nothing too eventful on Saturday to report, at least with regards to work. It was downright pouring most of the day, and yet it was still really busy. Given that we’re getting into the Christmas shopping season, and that we’re a week away from Black Friday, business has certainly been picking up.
While hanging out at Kurt’s, I did manage to achieve being able to find 500 moons in Super Mario Odyssey, which I’ve been playing since the day it was released. I beat the main story line in just 2 days XDD Let me tell you though, trying to play in the Darker Side of the Moon level that you unlock after reaching 500 moons, it is ridiculously hard! Even though I was tempted to throw the controller at the TV after a few failed attempts, I managed to keep my cool. I did need to quit after a while though, so that I didn’t get too frustrated.
Okay, so, I know these events throughout the week don’t sound too dramatic as of yet… but truth be told, it’s on the Sunday that things started to take a turn for the worst. But I don’t want this post to get much longer, so I’ve decided to split this journal entry into two parts. Stay tuned for my next post to read about when the shit truly hit the fan – or more specifically, when something hit my head XP